In 2009, I found myself on the edge of a cliff. In the steep. At the moment of “about to”.
I had just ended a relationship, moved cities, and changed jobs. My life was in turmoil, but I caught glimpses here and there–like the sun stubbornly piercing the clouds–of stillness, and that place beyond stillness, and I decided I wanted more of that.
So I enrolled in a 200 hour yoga teacher training program. Yoga helped me with the turmoil and the chaos and the anxiety of in-between-ness. Yoga helped me balance on the precipice, and it gave me a path forward. A map to help me move onward.
For a year as I was skillfully guided through the rich and yielding labyrinth of my body-mind, I felt illuminated by moments of that sun-pierced stillness. I began to experience myself as more than myself, and it felt like coming home. I began to understand that yoga is not so much about learning, as it is about uncovering what we already know in our deepest, truest selves, and I felt excited and inspired and called to share what I had gleaned.
I began to teach, and life carried on in the way that life does. And in 2015, I realized it had carried me to another cliff. Another ending-beginning. Another in-between.
The problem with the precipice is that we can’t always see a clear way forward. Sometimes it feels like the only way down is to leap into the nothing-ness before us. We’re handed a map, but it’s partly blank, and life relies on us to fill in the missing pieces.
That map came to me in the form of 300 hour yoga teacher training with Amanda McMaine. I didn’t know where I would end up at the end of the 18 months of study and self-inquiry, but I knew it would be unexpected. I knew that if I leapt into the unknown that I would come out the other side, like that sun through the clouds, more myself than I had been before. Uncovered, and more precious for having been hidden for a little while.